Parents of Elementary Age

1.  Children ask parents for many things. As parents, we cannot say YES to everything. If we do, children never learn there are boundaries for what they can do and limits of what they can have. When there is good reason, parents need to say NO to their children. Two big ideas for elementary age children are:

-          discipline by setting both limits and consequences ahead of time and,

-          encourage your child by “catching them being good”. That means giving them attention when they are doing the right thing.

 Excerpted from No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009

2.  There is a teacher in our homes and its name is TV. Children who watch a lot of TV on their own are seeing examples that go against the family’s values and standards of behavior. Too much TV keeps children from doing things like reading and playing outside. Three suggestions to tame the tube and limit media are:

-          have family rules limiting TV and media; for example, “no TV or video games before school” and “no TV or video games until homework is done,”

-          watch TV with children and comment on the good and bad examples and,

-          pay attention to ratings for TV programs, movies and video games. There are clear reasons why some media should not be viewed by school age children.

Excerpted from No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009

3.  “Taming the gimmes” is a challenge all year around but especially before the holidays. Here are ideas to help make holidays realistic for the family’s budget:

-          If relatives give too much to children, suggest they consider more modest presents. Or suggest contributions to a college fund,

-          If children’s requests are beyond the family gift budget, don’t allow children to think there is a chance of receiving those gifts. Be honest about what the family can and can’t do.

-          Make sharing a part of the holidays whether it is through dollars or volunteer time.

Excerpted from No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009

Parents of Teens

1.  Teens ask parents for many things and they push the limits on what they want to do. And, sometimes teens forget to ask at all. As parents, we cannot say YES to everything. If we do, teens never learn there are boundaries for what they can do and limits of what they can have. When there is good reason, parents need to say NO to their teens. Two important ideas for parents of teens are:

-          know what is normal teen behavior to better anticipate what to expect and,

-           loosen up but don’t let go. For example, as teens show signs of maturity, you can adjust curfews.

 Excerpted from No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009

2.  As children grow older, the kinds of media they use increases by leaps and bounds.  Although teens may not watch as much TV, they may be viewing more videos, spending more time with social networking website such as Facebook or MySpace, and using their cell phone in numerous ways. Teens need a balanced life. They also need parents to say NO and to set boundaries to keep them safe. Parents of teens need to:

-          learn about new technology and how teens might use it,

-          have clear rules about Internet use and,

-          place limits on cell phone use including the amount of texting.

Excerpted from No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009

3.  In 1997 a financial literacy survey was given to high school seniors. Average score was 57 percent. Five years later the average score fell to 50 percent. Parents can help their teen be better financial managers and prepare them for independent living by:

-          Gradually having the teen assume paying for some expenses instead of just allowing the teen to spend freely. Expenses could include clothing, personal items, gas or car insurance.

-          Insisting that part of any earnings be placed in a college fund.

-          Explaining how to select and use a credit card so debt is not incurred.

Excerpted from No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009

Parents of Special Needs Children

Children ask parents for many things. As parents, we cannot say YES to everything. If we do,  children never learn there are boundaries for what they can do and limits of what they can have. When there is good reason, parents need to say NO to their children. That includes children with special needs. A few ideas for parenting special needs children include:

- make eye contact with children and get close when you want their attention,

- break directions into smaller steps and,

- learn what “triggers” outbursts or poor behavior in your child.

Excerpted from No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009

Myths of Self-esteem - For All Ages:

Myth – Self-esteem comes first and leads to success

Self-esteem is the sum total of all the opinions we have about ourselves. True self-esteem for children and teens comes from achieving or working at a task. When there is success, the child feels satisfied and competent. Self-esteem also comes when children know how to get along with others. That in turn, helps them have more friends. Both achievement and having friends boost self-esteem. In other words, personal successes and friendships lead to self-esteem, not the other way around. Parents can:

-          Teach children how to manage their own behavior.

-          Provide help and support, but make sure children do their own work.

 No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009

Myths – Self-esteem equals feeling good

Parents can fall into the trap of thinking we can increase children’s and teen’s self-esteem with praise and expressions of love. Healthy self-esteem and feeling good are two different things. If we are always telling children how well they have done, how will they know when they could have tried harder? Or, how will they know when they have really succeeded? Here are suggestions for parents and caregivers:

-          Praise your child, but connect praise with real efforts, actions, or results, not half-hearted attempts.

-          Don’t bail your child out of every difficult situation. Encourage them to find a solution.

-          When a task or project doesn’t go well, help children see what can be learned for the next time.

Excerpted from No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009

Myth – Stress, challenges, and disappointment damage self-esteem

Mild stress and challenges make children and teens learn and grow. When adults hover over them or do something for children when they could do it for themselves, children do not learn. Disappointment, discouragement, and frustration help to build character and self-esteem. Children need practice in dealing with the little setbacks as they grow up. They will be better prepared to deal with bigger problems later in life. That doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t help a child find a place where they can succeed. Wise parents know when to stay out, when to encourage, when to help, and how involved they should be.

Excerpted from No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It (Free Press, 2007) Author Dr. David Walsh is coming to Marshall, March 24, 2009