LIFE AS A PARENT

Getting to know your children

Remember you do not have to know everything; the demands of the job, like the child, grow gradually. When the stress of parenting overwhelms you, do not be afraid to ask for help!

Birth to One Year

Learn the basics: How do you bathe a baby or change a diaper? you can learn how: Read, ask an expert, talk to other parents.

Love your baby: Give all you've got. Talk to your baby, touch, hold,hug, kiss, smile, and enjoy. It is impossible to spoil a baby.

Discover what's what: Pay close attention to all the sounds (cooing, babbling, gurgling, crying) your baby makes, as well as facial expresions and body movements. Each one means something.

Never use physical force: The pressures of parenting are very real. you need to find safe, satisfying ways to release those pressures, but never on your baby. Never.

Toddler

Take a deep breath: The tornado in your home, your belongings in chaos - This too shall pass. Right now, to your toddler, everything is new, exciting, and just waiting to be explored.

Childproof your home: Pack away your treasures, and lock up any dangerous or poisonous itmes. you will breathe a lot easier and you won't have to say no so often.

Keep the rules simple and few: Your goal is to keep your toddler safe. Table manners can wait! and so can toilet training.

Preschooler

Preparing to take on the world: Sometimes between toddlerhood and school age, children start working on his or her declaration of independence. giving up naps, endless curiosity, learning new skills, new words, and meeting new friends all prepare your child for functioning outside the family.

Testing Limits: Preschoolers develop new skills and new understanding by challenging the old ones. Although it may seem like they are testing you, they are really tesing themselves. Work with your child, not against them. help structure their exploration.

Be Observant: At this age, you may start expecting too much of your child. Be aware of subtle preschooler concerns like separation anxiety, bedtime fears, self-esteem, security, and acceptance.

School Age

Show your interest: check homework, talk about what is happening in school, ask their friends over, and find time to see your child's teacher occasionally.

Communicate: If there is a single golden rule for parents, it is this ... talk with your children (and listen too)!

Assign kid sized chores: Kids this age love to help. Just make sure the chores fit each child's capabilities. be clear with directions!

Discipline is Teaching

Parents and caregivers can use discipline to help their children learn how to behave. the goal of discipline is to teach children to manage their own behavior. Punishment is one form of discipline; however it is the least effective way to teach children how to behave. When punishment is overused, children learn that others manage their behavior. Discipline will help you survive, but to be effective, it must teach a child what behavior is unacceptable and offer an opportunity to discuss how to avoid such behavior in the future. Discipline works if given in doses that reflect the child's age and the incident.

Babies are generally too young to be redirected using discipline. Infants are not able to understand rules and consequences.

Discipline only when reasonable expectations are not met. Define clearly, in advance, what you expect from children. Establish rules that are reasonable for the age of the child. Praise your child for following the rules, as well as redirecting when rules are not followed. Children respond better to approval and affection!

Be consistent. Whatever style of discipline you choose, use it in every situation, even in public or when the grandparents are visiting. Consistency reminds children that you are serious about your expectations of their behavior.

Review expectations regularly. There are no perfect children, just as there are no perfect parents. If your children do not meet your expectations, the expectations may need to be changed.

Shame, rejection, withdrawl of affection, or preferential treatment of one child over another have no place in discipline.

This information is from Prevent Child Abuse Minnesota, 1821 University Avenue, Suite 202-South, Saint Paul, MN  55104, 1-800-CHILDREN, www.pcamn.org